How it all began
We may not be the first Sapient marriage story, but we’re definitely the most interesting
Coffee with a side of snark
The first time we met, I was grouchy as ever and she was new to the gig. She walked into the war room—where our team was huddled (packed to the gills in the heat) working on selling makeup (mineral foundation FTW!)—with coffee. I abruptly pointed out that not only was I not asked for my order, but that coffee was a ridiculous thing to bring to people locked in a consulting crypt with no A/C. As I type this, I feel like the amount of charm and humor I put into that comment is lost. I don’t think it was lost on her.
I had a feeling she was pretty cool when she looked me dead in the eyes and said “Well, next time maybe you should be around when I offer to go get everyone something to drink—or better yet, go get it yourself.” Touché Ms. Hackendale. Touché.
He dropped jokes out of the corner of his mouth—sarcasm veiled in charm and wit that went over the head of the average person. I immediately made a mental note to make friends with him. If he had given me his order, there’s no doubt in my mind I would’ve fallen for him sooner. Any man secure enough to order a “Venti iced green tea, light water, extra ice, one pump” has to be prettttty amazing.
I only wish I’d known about his pink bowling shoes at that point… I would’ve surprised him with a strawberry Frappuccino instead.
La-La-Land
Haley worked in our Santa Monica office, where I had several clients (also where I went to hide when I didn’t want my other clients to find me). Because of my rabid anti-social tendencies, I sat in the furthest darkest corner of the office, as far away from people as possible. Ok, it wasn’t dark… kind of had a far-off ocean view and plenty of sun… but no other humans.
When Haley and her “power pod” of three teammates moved in a couple of pods down, I had people to talk to. Which meant I mostly kept to myself, except for sharing random observations on topics I had no business making sarcastic comments about, that actually made her laugh. So I knew she was weird right then. As at least half of you know, Colemans love weird.
One day Jeremy decided to torture our colleague—Barry Gibb’s doppelgänger—by blasting the Bee Gees any time he came into sight. Welsh walks around the corner: “You can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man no time to talk…” Into the conference room, pause. This went on (and off) for the entire workday.
I don’t know if I’d ever listened to a whole Bee Gees album til then, but I do know I’ve never laughed harder in my life. Now, I don’t go a full 24 hours without him making me double over laughing.
Our darling Eloise
I’ve always liked big dogs—little dogs are for weirdos who carry dog purses and old people who can’t walk. Then I met my darling Eloise.
Haley brought her to work every day. Whenever I came to the office, I’d walk in, lay down on the floor, open my arms, and say “Hello my sunshine!”
I fell in love with Eloise immediately. And as she sits here snoring next to me right now I still love her. Apparently affinity for animals is an attractive quality?
The first time Jeremy got on the floor to greet Eloise, my heart melted. I’m pretty sure hers did, too. I think that was when I realized he was my soulmate, in one life or another.
Shortly after we moved to Denver, Eloise rolled in to stay at his house while I was traveling for work… and she never left. The two of them have a connection I can’t put into words. They have full-on conversations on the daily. When Air Supply comes on, she runs to him, and he picks her up and serenades her. He’s put heaters on auto-timer in every dog bed in the house for her. Though she be but little, she is his Queen B.
What happens in Vegas
Haley became an indispensable part of every project the Denver crew did. She was our ninja—there was nothing she couldn’t do, and do amazingly well. She was part of our Denver family. She talked like us (I know, scary), worked as hard as us, loved to (in my past life obvs) expense things like us… but she never thought like us.
That’s what made her so amazing—she’s never been shy about using that amazing intellect of hers to make everything our team did together, better.
When it came to the tail end of my time in Vegas and with Sapient, saying goodbye to the team, and to her, was one of the most difficult things professionally I’d ever do. Plus, no way she wanted to move to Denver…?
I got a dose of Denver standards the first time I was in a client workshop with Jeremy. The guy who was always calm as a cucumber absolutely lost his mind when he walked in to find dirty whiteboards. Finally, someone as OCD as me! He worked the room like no other, despite his introvert tendencies. Consider yourself lucky if you’ve met Workshop Jeremy.
To this day, one of the things I love most about him is his brain. So brilliant, so creative, kind of like a mad scientist. I loved when our paths crossed on projects–watching the wheels turn and the magic happen. He inspires me to think different every day.
Serendipity (maybe)
A couple years later, we both found ourselves single at the same time, for the first time since we’d know each other. We kinda thought, “Hell, maybe our work chemistry translates into something more lasting and amazing?”
Of course she lived in Chicago, and I was in Denver. And then she went to Dubai, and I was in Denver. It would seem that our space-time continuum would never line up.
#worsttimingever. We’d just started talking when I got the call about an assignment in Dubai. I had two once-in-a-lifetime opportunities in front of me.
Against his own interests, Jeremy without pause told me to get my butt on that plane–”What’s meant to be will be.” I was sure I’d missed my window, he says he always knew it would turn out like this.
Sunshine in Colorado
While Haley was in Dubai, I settled into a routine with the boys—dedicating myself to being a great dad and trying not to hurt myself whilst playing with electricity, fire, and plumbing.
I was busy, and lonely. I like being alone. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
I would think of her all the time—but it’s not fair to say that kind of thing to someone you don’t know “like that” on the other side of the planet.
Then one fine day, shortly after she got back to the States, Haley came to visit. We spent the weekend talking, laughing, catching up, and checking out great places in Boulder. (I was trying to impress.)
And then it snowed, and we went for a walk down Pearl Street, the irises covered in snow—a sign of something special.
I knew on that walk, watching her laugh and sparkle, that she was it. This was it. This was everything. This makes me happy. She makes me whole.
I’d never thought twice about taking assignments across the country–or halfway around the world. I figured one day I’d want to settle down… pack it all in while you can.
The whole time I was in Dubai, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. At the end of the project, they asked me to stay on and take another gig in the region. I said no, immediately. Once my brain had a chance to process that gut reaction, I realized I might have reached that “one day” point.
When I visited him in Colorado, I knew immediately. There was something in the air. (Aside from snowflakes, and probably Phil Collins at some point.) I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, doing life without him by my side. Time to gear up for another move!
Will you?
After spending over half a year finding just the right sparkle to add to her sparkle ✨, and designing the only kind of ring she should ever wear, AND asking Hack for his daughter’s hand… I was ready to roll. We were going to Puerto Morelos for New Year’s. The perfect time and place for a beach proposal.
Well, turns out things didn’t go as planned. After carrying an enormous ring box around in shorts for two days, I was getting frustrated. I just wasn’t finding the “right” time. I started asking random dudes around the hotel—including one of my favorite NFL players of all time (whom I met while wearing a t-shirt covered in Doritos dust)—what to do. They all said “you’ll know when the time is right.”
After we yelled, cried, paced, and sat in horror watching from a distance as fires ravaged 1,000 houses in our neighborhood—and by the grace of god herself spared our family–we were done.
We weren’t going out for New Year’s Eve. My plans for a grand fireworks-on-the-beach proposal were dead.
And then I looked at her, sitting in bed waiting to eat pizza and watch a movie with me. And I knew. It was time to tell her what she meant to me and my family, and how much we all wanted her to be a part of it. Forever.
And the rest was history…
